A donkey in elephant’s clothing

I read an interesting article today about our nation’s projected deficit over the next decade. The Congressional Budget Office had estimated a deficit of $2.01 trillion for 2005-2014, but that’s going to fall short. The updated estimate is $2.29 trillion. For those of us keeping score at home, that’s $2,290,000,000,000. I believe the official term for that is A Lot&#153.

It’s been awhile since I mentioned the presidential election, but I haven’t forgotten. There are many issues involved, of which I’m sure I’ll bitch about most of them over the next two months, but our fiscal crisis is what needs attention now. President Bush has no rational reason to praise himself as much as he has for our economic situation. Based on the promises of more federal spending in his acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention, I fear it’s only going to get worse.

I’m not going to babble about the economy because I don’t believe the President has as much control over the economy as most people believe. Alan Greenspan’s opinion matters more to me. But I do care about the deficit. As much as this may surprise you, I’m a fiscal conservative. I don’t believe the government can solve all of our problems. I don’t believe in throwing more money at problems. I don’t believe in wealth redistribution. The tax code is unfair and the government is too large. Every one of those is a reason why I’ll be voting for John Kerry in November.

Reading Andrew Sullivan recently, I read his comment that sums this up as succinctly as I could, so I’ll quote him here:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the only difference between Republicans and Democrats now is that the Bush Republicans believe in Big Insolvent Government and the Kerry Democrats believe in Big Solvent Government. By any measure, that makes Kerry – especially as he has endorsed the critical pay-as-you-go rule on domestic spending – easily the choice for fiscal conservatives.

Bill Clinton, in conjunction with the bi-partisan Congress, balanced the budget. President Bush, with the support of the fully Republican Congress, has returned us to Reagan-era deficits. Granted, the economy was better under President Clinton, but my argument loses little significance. President Bush believes the government can better than we can. He doesn’t want us to pay for it, though, which is why we get tax breaks. Yet, I can’t help feeling that, since he so obviously treats us as though he’s our father, it’s bad parenting of the worst kind that he wishes to pass our debts to our children and grandchildren. This is compassionate conservatism?

My calendar is broken

As part of my job, I’m responsible for system design. The easiest way to represent these is with flowcharts for the overall process, as well as the interaction of various systems. The de facto standard for flowcharts is Microsoft Visio. Since my project is only in design phase for a short time and the retail price for the standard version is $200, I chose to “try” the Trial Version of Visio for August. (In my former job, my employer provided Visio as a standard workstation installation. Since I’m now paying the bill, it’s not standard.)

When I installed it, I received this message. I wouldn’t normally expect to get into a battle of semantics with Microsoft, but I must when reading their statement that “This copy will expire on August 31, 2004”. Like any reasonable person who knows English, I understood this to mean that I can use the Trial Version until 11:59 pm on August 31st. I was mistaken. When I started Visio on Tuesday, I saw this message. That isn’t what I wanted to see. Microsoft and I agreed that I could use the software through the 31st, but they broke our deal and I’m none too pleased about it.

In the past I’ve been a supporter of Microsoft. I don’t believe that being a monopoly is bad as an objective reality. When a company earns it, it’s free enterprise at its best. Even though Microsoft went too far and strong-armed competitors, I don’t mind a few violations of the rules of competition as long as they don’t mess with the English language. There I have to draw the line.

For my last use of Visio, I created a flowchart to represent the Trial Version evaluation process. Even though I will not purchase Visio, it’s a great product. See for yourself and guess which path I chose at the decision point.

I’m turning blue, fat, and furry

Liz Lovely is back from summer vacation and they bring cookies!

Your favorite cookie artisans are back! We’ve relocated to Vermont, built a brand new bakery, and just watched our first shipment of cookies head off to the distributor last week. It’s been quite a summer…

Start looking for your favorite cookies at your local retailers starting September 1st. And if they don’t have ’em… tell them you want ’em!

By my calculation, today is September 1st. That means that I might find some cookie joy at my local Whole Foods? Today? Oh, my.

Liz Lovely has many different cookies in its product list but the Cowboy Cookie&#153 is the choice of choices. All of the other cookies are workable, but they don’t match the goodness that is the Cowboy Cookie&#153. I have a new phrase for Cookie Monster: “CC” is for Cowboy Cookie&#153.

I’m going to gain so much weight over the next few months.

P.S. Click here to determine where you can find The Best Cookie On The Planet&#153.

I’m not a little kid anymore!

I need to buy some finger paint for my nephew.Yesterday, Danielle and I were in “The Teacher Store”. Why it’s called that is obvious, but that’s not its name. It’s Hammett. While browsing, I came across the true joy of The Teacher Store: finger paint. I know kids love to use their hands and get dirty and let their imagination run wild, but perhaps a little more thought should be put into the marketing because, as much as kids like to use their hands, they’re usually using their hands to put things in their mouths. That’s why finger paint shouldn’t look like peanut butter and jelly.

I’m sure Danielle won’t put it next to the paste.

Blow the whistle, not the game.

Last night’s game was disappointing, but tremendous fun. There were Hokies everywhere. The atmosphere was lit up, just like the fans. We didn’t win, but we showed that we’re a better team than most people believed. Today, that is some consolation.

There are two quotes that explain the game better than I can:

“You can’t blame the officials,” [Coach Frank] Beamer said. “I thought it was kind of questionable. I thought it was a great play.”

When the officials call the game the way they did, it’s reasonable to blame them, but it’s not a complete explanation. This is the final piece:

“They played like the number one team in America in the sense that they capitalized on every mistake we made,” tailback Justin Hamilton said.

Turnovers or penalties, it didn’t matter. When we made a mistake, we paid for it. Usually we paid in points, but we always paid in some way detrimental. Against great teams, that leads to losing. Last night we didn’t have the killer instinct and USC did.

I still wore a Virginia Tech t-shirt today. Go Hokies!

Hokie football is back!

Now that the Phillies have nose-dived into oblivion, I’m turning my attention to football. Today, specifically, is about Hokies football. Tonight we kick off the college football season against #1-ranked USC.

I have no prediction for this game, but I’d like to consider one important point. USC is 2,700 miles away from Jack Kent Cooke Stadium. Blacksburg is 270 miles away. I wonder how that will impact the ratio of Hokies to Trojans among the 90,000+ fans expected to attend? Hmmm…

While we all ponder the glory that will be Virginia Tech football in 2004, I’ll fade out with Tech Triumph:

Tech Triumph

Techmen, we’re Techmen, with spirit true and faithful,
Backing up our teams with hopes undying;
Techmen, Oh Techmen, we’re out to win today,
Showing “pep” and life with which we’re trying;
V.P., old V.P., you know our hearts are with you
In our luck which never seems to die;
Win or lose, we’ll greet you with a glad returning,
You’re the pride of V.P.I.

Chorus:
Just watch our men so big and active
Support the Orange and Maroon. Let’s go Techs.
We know our ends and backs are stronger,
With winning hopes, we fear defeat no longer.
To see our team plow through the line, boys,
Determined now to win or die:
So give a Hokie, Hokie, Hokie Hi,
Rae, Ri, old V.P.I.

Go Hokies!

Because Golden Retrievers aren’t delicate

Tomorrow I have a team lunch with my fellow computer-programming nerds. This is typically an anticipated joy for most working stiffs, but not me. I hate them. First, I’m asocial. I scrub-up well, but that doesn’t mean I want to hang around with people. I’m a solitary creature more often than not, so team lunches mean the nightmare that is the group outing.

That would be survivable except for problem number two. I’m always singled out as the difficult person because I’m a vegan. Ignore that I understand how distinct my dietary habits make me and that I adapt to each new menu. I accept that I’ll have the pasta or the pasta at most restaurants, but that doesn’t prevent others from placing upon me the challenge of finding a lunch spot for the group. I would enjoy that if my choice of Indian didn’t get nixed immediately every time. Picking without being able to pick is stupid but that’s what happens. Since I have a team lunch tomorrow, it happened again.

“I” ended up choosing a mexican restaurant since I can get veggie fajitas. Except I can’t. The menu doesn’t list veggie fajitas as an option. It seems that uppity, chic restaurants believe that the hip urbanite likes to shove dead animals down his throat, but only when it’s covered with cheese. Vegans are those disgusting leeches on society who want to save all the trees and hate capitalism. So I’ll adapt.

However… I have to worry about a restaurant that includes chihuahua cheese on its menu. I don’t know what chihuahua cheese is, but I can’t imagine anyone wanting it. To understand, I had to look it up. According to the Food Network, chihuahua cheese is “see asadero“. What? If it’s called asadero, why not put asadero on the menu instead of chihuahua cheese? Since that didn’t answer my question, I clicked over to asadero.

Definition: [ah-sah-DEH-roh] A white cow’s-milk cheese of Mexican origin that’s available in braids, balls or rounds. Asadero, which means “roaster” or “broiler,” has good melting properties and becomes softly stringy when heated–very similar to an unaged monterey jack cheese. Other names for this cheese are Chihuahua and Oaxaca. See also cheese.

Note to all chefs: say what you mean and mean what you say. Why do you have so many names for the same cheese? A rose by any other name…

That doesn’t help me decide what I’m going to have for lunch on Friday, but it does raise another thought. Recently, Paris Hilton’s chihuahua was missing for a week. Which poor chef had the task of milking Tinkerbell?

When good shoes go bad

After the entry I wrote on Monday about Jessica Simpson’s hideous version of “Angels”, I assumed that I’d be safe from more horror for at least a few weeks. Not so. I read this article and nearly cried. Celebrities get a ton of free stuff because kids tend to buy the same brands that celebrities enjoy. If Converse applies this theory and sends a pair of “Peace Chucks” to Jessica Simpson, we’re screwed. Written on the toes of the shoes are the words “Imagine All The People Living Life In Peace”.

I speak on behalf of the world when I beg of Converse, please don’t send her a pair. She can’t be trusted to respect the lyrics. I’m telling you in advance, she just can’t. Please.

It’s a Zen thing, like how many babies fit in a tire.

Last night, Danielle and I watched the first episode of season 1 of Curb Your Enthusiasm. I rented it from Netflix around the same time I rented Purple Rain, so I definitely needed to watch it. Wasting money renting movies I don’t watch is stupid. So we watched it last night.

Our goal was to enjoy it. If it was good, we’d stick it out and rent more episodes. That was the plan, but the first episode didn’t live up to its hype. Fifteen minutes in, neither of us cared enough to continue. It made us laugh a couple of times, but only random laughs. The show seems to be more about presenting a joke, then presenting another, without the comedic hilarity of situational buildup. Take away the bluster and it’s simple. The show didn’t grab us and refuse to let go. If the creators can’t hook me with the first episode, I’m not going to bother with more.

Throughout the first episode, I thought the show failed because it didn’t make me care about it. That’s true, but too shallow. It didn’t make me care because the show wasn’t honest with me. Improv is good comedy, but it has to be honest. The actors must play it straight or the gimmick fails. Curb Your Enthusiasm felt as if the actors’ egos couldn’t wait to get confirmation that they were funny and brilliant and hilarious and brilliant. They were too needy.

For an example of how the improv process should be done, they should’ve rented Waiting for Guffman. As Corky St. Clair, Christopher Guest is honest with the audience. He is Corky. He embraces Corky’s exuberance over community theater. He makes Corky’s story about his wife Bonnie believable. As the viewer, I trust that the residents of Blaine are sincere in their acceptance of Bonnie’s existence. I care whether or not Mr. Guffman will appear at “Red, White, and Blaine“, even though I know he will not. Literally and figuratively, Corky dances as if no one was watching.

Corky St. Clair is Corky, not Christopher Guest as Corky. That’s what every actor must strive for in his performance. Where Waiting for Guffman succeeds in treating its pact with the audience with proper respect, Curb Your Enthusiasm fails to honor its pact. Perhaps it tried to write a different pact, but I don’t think so. When the actors ooze superiority, that creepy expectation that the audience should be honored to be in the vicinity of their genius, involvement in the farce isn’t possible. Fiction is illusion, not lies. Where Waiting for Guffman is magic, Curb Your Enthusiasm is a con.