I don’t know who Googled “mike lieberthal homosexual“, but you’re not going to find that sort of gossip here. I don’t have any insight into his sexuality, nor do I care. Isn’t it good enough that he plays catcher for the Phillies and does his job? Besides, I doubt his priorities include him Googling “john doe dumbass” to find out about you, so why do you care? Go watch television or something.
Category: Blogging
The internets never let me down
On Tuesday I wrote the phrase “Neil Patrick Harris naked” because it fit the story, but I stacked those words together to encourage super fun Google searches. Based on the number of searches I’ve received from people looking for pictures of a specific part of Nick Lachey’s anatomy, I knew that someone would stumble upon that Neil Patrick Harris phrase eventually. (But really, Nick Lachey? At least those of you looking for those pictures of Jason Mraz have some taste in music.)
I didn’t realize that eventually would arrive sixteen hours later. That’s when I received my first search for “neil patrick harris” the paris letter naked. And in Google searches, the real estate adage of “location, location, location” is rarely so true. I’m #10. Yay, me!
You people never let me down. You’re awesome.
Sounds to me like you caused a damn accident
Those crazy liberals are at it again, what with the refusing to resist the Cable TV-fueled temptations of Satan and the pushing of the homosexual agenda onto children. Consider this story from Lexington, Massachusetts:
For David Parker, the first alarm went off in January, when his 5-year-old son came home from his kindergarten class at Lexington’s Joseph Estabrook School with a bag of books promoting diversity.
Inside were books about foreign cultures and traditions, along with food recipes. There was also a copy of Who’s In a Family? by Robert Skutch, which depicts different kinds of families, including same-sex couples raising children.
The book’s contents concerned Parker and prompted him to begin a series of e-mail exchanges with school officials on the subject that culminated in a meeting Wednesday night with Estabrook’s principal and district director of instruction. The meeting ended with Parker’s arrest after he refused to leave the school, and the Lexington man spent the night in jail.
Ooooh, all conservatives think books are bad, right? Nope. Mr. Parker doesn’t say that and the specific book that his son brought home wasn’t the real issue for him. He’s concerned that the school is exposing his son to “homosexual material” without prior consent. The facts seem to support a complete communication failure between the school and the parents about this issue, which is where I believe Mr. Parker tried to take the discussion. Consider these e-mail excerpts from Mr. and Mrs. Parker and the school’s principal, Ms. Joni Jay:
Parkers to Principal on Friday, March 4, 2005
We do not authorize any teacher or adult within the Lexington Public School system to expose our sons, [older son] and [younger son] (begins school in 2006) to any sexual orientation/homoseexual material/same sex unions between parents.
Principal to Parkers on Friday, March 4, 2005
I have confirmed with our Assistant Superintendent and our Director of Health Education that discussion of differing families, including gay-headed families, is not included in the parental notification policy.
Parkers to Principal on Friday, March 4, 2005
We would like to clarify that our previous e-mail which states: “we do not give the Lexington Public School system permission to discuss homosexuality issues (i.e. – trans gender/bisexual/gay headed households) to our son [son’s name]” – is a parental assertion; not a matter open to legal interpretation or administrative policy. Let us, David and Tonia Parker, parents of [son’s name], be clear in purpose and prose on this matter:
Discussions concerning homosexuality issues will not take place in front of our son, [son’s name] (5 yrs old), at Estabrook.
There is clearly a disagreement about how to handle this book. While I suspect that this book does nothing more than present a gay couple, which is not the same thing as “pushing the homosexual agenda”, I concede that this can lead to questions that the Parkers aren’t ready to answer for a 5-year-old. My nephew is four-and-a-half and, as smart (and inquisitive) as he is, my brother probably isn’t ready to discuss same-sex couples. (I think my nephew, like most kids, would say “Oh”, and then run off to play.) So, yeah, it’s certainly a parent’s right to determine what his/her child is exposed to at that age. And I don’t believe that getting that agreement from the school is too much to ask.
That didn’t happen in this case, though. Whether the school misinterpreted state law (mentioned in the article) or not is irrelevant. Mr. Parker should’ve taken his complaint to the school board, the next logical step. The exchange between the Parkers and Ms. Jay took several months, so time lag was not a factor. If, after taking his case to the school board, he didn’t get the answer he wanted, he could consult an attorney and sue or work to change the school board rules or whatever potential remedy presented itself. He shouldn’t have to go through that, but sometimes we endure obstacles that we shouldn’t have to endure.
That’s what he should’ve done, but it’s not what he did. This is what he did:
Parker said he met with school officials to gain those assurances and then refused to leave until he got them. Parker stayed at Estabrook School for more than two hours, according to Superintendent William J. Hurley, as officials and Lexington police urged him to leave. Finally, they arrested him for trespassing.
He was there, officials and police asked him to leave, he declined, the police arrested him. That seems simple enough, right? Nope. This is turning into a rallying cry for “liberals vs. family values”. Consider this conclusion drawn by Michelle Malkin (where I found the article):
Unbelievable that we’ve come to this. Parker is treated as a troublemaker and a bigot –and now a criminal–for refusing to cede parental control to p.c. public school educrats. Meanwhile, “diversity” brainwashing and Moral Equivalence 101 have seeped effortlessly into government kindergarten classrooms.
Mr. Parker is treated as a criminal, not for his beliefs, but for his alleged unwillingness to obey police instruction to leave the school premises.
Is this the only reaction where the thinker missed the simple fact for why the police arrested Mr. Parker? Consider this, from Wizbang!:
And in the meantime, what I think is the bigger issue is getting ignored. Whether or not you agree with Mr. Parker’s beliefs, the fundamental question is this: are his demands that he be notified about what material is being taught to his son about a clearly controversial issue unreasonable?
…snipped…
Quibble if you wish with Mr. Parker’s beliefs, but don’t challenge his right to possess them — and act on them. We need more parents who feel as protective of their children as he does.
While I quibble with his beliefs, Mr. Parker has a right to them. His demands to be notified are reasonable. But we also need more parents who respect the law as every other parent who has a disagreement with the school but works to achieve their goals in a proper manner.
Or consider this from The Pink Flamingo Bar & Grill:
The vast gulf between the left and reality is making any possibility of my children ever going into any public school vanish. This is not as some might claim the Right Wing evangelicals rolling back the clock. This is much more like parents finally understanding what is being attempted by the left wing.
Read the whole entry… it throws around the term “Nazi” and the statement that educators who believe same-sex marriage is acceptable “have dedicated themselves to getting into a position where they could start tearing down the family structure.”
Or consider this from the blue site:
The liberals want to brainwash your children as early as possible. Liberal Massachusetts has a kindergarten program that teaches kids about homosexuals and “families” with 2 gay parents…
Sickening. The hom
osexuals will do anything to force their alternative (alternative to NORMAL) lifestyle down all of our throats…their new tactic is to start as early in a child’s life as possible, so the brainwashing will be totally set in by the time they become adults. Disgusting…This is why liberals need to be stopped from their destruction of the family, traditional values, and this country as we know it…
Do I need to comment on that?
Or consider this comment left on the blue site by moe:
So true,Josh,so true. I dunno what’s gonna happen,but it ain’t gonna be good. As much as I would like to have children,I’m glad that I don’t right now. I would be constantly on edge,worrying that some stranger,will legally try and force them to learn to be fags. I wouldn’t stand for it,and you’re right when you say the vast majority of Americans find it disgusting too.
What the hell right does the public “education” system think it has? It’s supposed to teach readin’,writin’,and ‘rythmatic…not blowjobs and buttsex. And the big pisser,is that these filthy devient heathens,are enormously outnumbered by moral Americans,yet they somehow have been given authority. I ain’t happy.
I don’t bother queers,and I don’t harass them or go hunting for them to bash,so why do they attack the rest of us? Vile bastards,they are. They remind me of muslims….always picking the fights and starting trouble,yet always claiming to be “oopressed” and “discriminated”. They are not oppressed,but they should be. They should all get the ever lovin’ shit kicked out of them everyday,then see how much they wanna bitch and moan. Same goes for anyone who supports them.
Ah, those conservatives with their family values. Thank God they’re looking out for all of us from the evil liberal, homosexual agenda. Otherwise, what would concerned, law-abidingbreaking parents do?
How did he know I’m wearing sunglasses?
It’s time to lighten the mood a little, so I offer this. Someone googled RollingDoughnut.com for “falling while skiing“. To that random person… you’ve made Ha-Ha(™ Melissa Danielle) at my expense. Are you happy with yourself? Good for you. And how did you know that Danielle and I are going skiing next weekend? Are you psychic? Either way, I don’t like that person knowing so much about how my little foray down the bunny trail is going to go next Saturday.
However they know, to that I have a simple statement. They can go frig themself.
Snow gives me too much free time
I don’t know who you are, youaresofuckingboring@getauniqueopinion.com, but thank you for adding your name to my notification list. Despite your obvious misgivings, I hope you enjoy the blog in the future.
And you think I’m crazy…
I’ve mentioned in the past that I love maintaining RollingDoughnut.com because of the strange Google searches I receive. This afternoon, I checked my stats and found this: fucked up afghanistan pig in shit.
Serioulsy, people who use the internets are weird. What possesses someone to search for that? I realize that it hit me because I wrote something about Afghanistan in March, but who searches for that specifically? Who, I ask you?
But for anyone who may think I can’t offer practical advice, one lucky visitor found me by searching for ways of entertaining a 12 year old. Since I’m really a 12-year-old girl at heart, I suggest this for the cd player. They’ll be entertained for days upon weeks. I know. It’s working on me.
Funny is so easy, a child could do it
I recently wrote an entry about Audible.com using ads mocking John Kerry to promote its ListenBeforeYouVote.com site, a site that exists as little more than a redirect to the main Audible.com site. I complained about how vehemently opposed to it I was. As I mentioned in that entry, I wrote to Audible.com and received the following reply:
I will bring this to the attention of my supervisors. I looked at the link but could not find what you are refering to, but whomever made the page must know somthing about it. I personally do not consider that fair if they are singling out one canidate or the other, and im (sic) sure it was not our intent to do so. Please eccept (sic) my appologies (sic) on behalf of audible, i (sic) will deffenetly (sic) have someone look at this issue. Thank You!
I thought that might be the end, but it’s not. As I said in that entry…
I don’t know if I’d feel the same way if the only ad was the “George W. Bush is an idiot” version, but I only have the information at hand, which mocks the candidate I support. I hope I’d feel the same way if the reverse had been true. I suspect I’d disagree with the marketing plan but wouldn’t be as upset about the sentiment since it matches my own. That doesn’t make it smart.
That’s about right. I found the Cheney ad on a site that has a more liberal bent, so it’s obvious that Audible.com is targeting the assumed readership of specific sites. Since I don’t stick with just my own opinion, I found both. I don’t know if I’m a rare person who comes across that or not, but it doesn’t change how vile and stupid I think the strategy is. Just as with the Kerry ad, portraying Bush supporters as “closed-minded, reactionary war-mongers” is unfair and untrue.
I’m not as angered by the Cheney ad, but I think that’s because the two ads are different in one fundamental way. Since the Cheney ad is cartoonish, the context implies a marketing tone rather than a mocking tone. Perhaps I’m clouded in my judgement, but that’s my view. I still think the ads are despicable.
(For more perspective, consider these ads featuring Hillary Clinton being elistist and
Ann Coulter fighting Al Franken.)
Agree with us and the debate is unbiased
Browsing Andrew Sullivan’s blog this morning, I decided to finally click one of his ads to see what it was. The specific ad I chose was for ListenBeforeYouVote.com. As you can see, the ad features John Kerry in a goofy pose with the tag line “He’s tall. He’s scary. He flip flops. Yeah, he’s an idiot.”, so I assumed it that the website sponsor would be some ridiculous, partisan hack who had an agenda othe than debating issues on merit. Every time I assume, I remember why it’s not a great idea. The truth here was worse than that. ListenBeforeYouVote.com turned out to be a ruse to ultimately redirect and attract new subscribers to Audible.com.
Last month, I rejoined Audible.com after an extended absence. I like the underlying concept and was ready to download new audiobooks to add to my collection. One of the most interesting aspects is the ability to download convention speeches and presidential debates, along with other miscellaneous speeches leading up to the election. This is a brilliant idea. It’s too bad Audible’s marketing department ruined all brilliance with this pathetic, partisan ad.
I’m going to contact them to get an explanation, to determine if they created any “George W. Bush is an idiot” ads. If they did, I’ll express my anger at the stupidity of targeting ads to audiences allegedly predisposed to the partisan sentiment expressed when the underlying product is meant to give the full political spectrum of information. If the Kerry ad is the only version, I’ll express my anger and cancel my subscription.
I’m already rethinking my plan. I’ll still contact Audible to express my anger, but I will cancel my subscription regardless of the answer. This is unacceptable. I don’t know if I’d feel the same way if the only ad was the “George W. Bush is an idiot” version, but I only have the information at hand, which mocks the candidate I support. I hope I’d feel the same way if the reverse had been true. I suspect I’d disagree with the marketing plan but wouldn’t be as upset about the sentiment since it matches my own. That doesn’t make it smart.
Businesses have the right to support any candidate they wish, but with that, the executives run the risk of alienating customers based on personal preference. Unless the business is privately held, the executives need to be certain that the shareholders are willing to take this risk. I’d love it if Audible.com would make the audio of the marketing meeting where this plan was hatched. That would be a brilliant tool for every college marketing class.
This ad is a perfect example of why it’s better for people who run businesses to use their own money to push their agenda. If they show me, the customer, that they’ll use my money to support something I abhor, I’ll take my money elsewhere. Welcome to the real world, Audible.
I’m not the Hormone Qwik-E-Mart
More interesting individuals have discovered RollingDoughnut.com through “curious” Google searches. Who knew that Google returns RollingDoughnut.com as a hit for “I need testosterone”. I don’t know why that is because I can’t recall writing about testosterone, but I apparently did. Since it might be relevant, I’ll take a moment to research the archives.
Here you go… The title of the entry is You’ll need testosterone to understand. In its entirety, the text is simple:
Spending $200 for shoes is absurd, but $200 for a phone is a bargain.
I love gadgets, both electronic and low-tech. Because I’m a man and men have testosterone. And testosterone makes men undertake Butch™ tasks like football and demolition derby and anything involving power tools and destruction. I’ve gleefully participated in all of those activities at some point. We won’t even discuss the pointy, metal ninja star I made in shop class in middle school. What the hell was I thinking? Where would I use that? But I needed it. NEEDED it.
With all of that, it’s safe to assume that I have testosterone. But to all you who show up here at RollingDoughnut.com through Google searches for “I need testosterone”, know this: I own Joe McIntyre cds, I’ve seen every episode of Queer As Folk, and I’ve been to a Miss America pageant. I need all the testosterone I have. Go visit someone who might have some to spare.
Fun with Google
To the kind folks who click to RollingDoughnut.com from Google, I say thank you. I don’t know what year the Nabisco rainbow chip cookies came out. I don’t know JC Chasez’s address. I don’t know if Clay Aiken is respected by other celebrities. I don’t even know how to compare NFL quarterbacks using linear regression.
Yet, I do have answers for a few of your questions. I know that England is better than America. I know how to grade on a curve, despite not proving it with an entry on RollingDoughnut.com. (Ignoring the huge demand, I will not be write to explain how it’s done.) I even know what a Hokie is, which will surprise no one.
Most surprisingly, I’ve learned from you crazy people. Thanks to you, I now know that Kurt Nilsen is playing one date in the United States. He’ll be at The Birchmere on December 2nd. Danielle and I will be there. I suggest everyone do the same.
For entertaining and informing me, I thank all of you who use Google. But before you get too proud of yourselves, I love that people like you who I’ve never thought about can stumble upon my site and find that I’ve unknowningly mocked everything you hold sacred. God bless Google.