Danielle and I have to go to Whole Foods today to get a few essentials. This would be a non-issue if D.C. hadn’t received approximately 4 inches of snow yesterday. Being unaccustomed to snow, even though it snows EVERY FUCKING WINTER in D.C., the metro area is essentially shut down. The roads are packed with snow. The side streets aren’t close to being plowed. Indeed, area transportation officials indicated that it would be 36 hours before the major roads were back to functioning. (Holy crap!) So, except for the sidewalk behind our townhouse, which some nice fellow decided to clear with the snow blower at 12:30 AM this morning, snow is everywhere. And we need supplies.
Specifically, of course, I mean we need milk, bread, and toilet paper. Because Danielle and I are the crazy ones, we weren’t at the grocery store at 11:15 Friday night to stock up for the snow. We ignored Topper Shutt’s dire 6.5 (A SIX POINT FIVE, PEOPLE!) warning on the Bread-O-Meter and mocked the sane people who wisely stocked up. And now, Sunday morning, those people can laugh at us. I have been without milk for EIGHT LONG, CALCIUM-DEFICIENT YEARS. I will NOT survive one more day! This drinking water bullshit is not healthy. Not healthy at all. Why didn’t I listen? I’m an asshole. An asshole without toilet paper! Oh, the humanity!
Is it obvious that I’m reaching for an excuse to drive in the snow?