Seeking help from the Benevolent Giver of Rescue

I sent a letter to my Congressman today.

Congressman Davis:

I write to you with a heart and mind burdened by disillusionment with capitalism. I’ve plodded along for years, just being a good American. I pay my bills on time. I go to work every day. I own a home. I vote. I do my part.

Recently, I decided to improve my life just a little bit, adding a simple pleasure to my leisure time. I purchased a new computer (stimulating the economy!) with a Blu-ray drive. I now have better picture quality when watching movies. God bless America and her bounty.

But, and this is a surprise to me because I expected everyone else who shares this country to have the same understanding that each person’s actions affect the common good, but they don’t. The evil CEO at Netflix is being so very greedy, it’s disgusting. As I’m sure you know, Netflix raised its monthly membership fee by $1 for users who want Blu-ray rentals. They are picking my pocket. I want Blu-ray on my membership, but it should be free. I know you agree.

I have not budgeted for an extra dollar in my membership fee. When I signed up, I said to myself, “Self, $14.99 is the limit. And you will have Blu-ray access.” Now imagine my displeasure to learn that I can’t have what I want for the price I deserve. I know you share my displeasure. How much deprivation do they think is appropriate? I say none! I need to be rescued so that I don’t have to cancel my membership. So, I ask: what will you do for me?

Direct deposit would be nice, but I’ll accept a check each month. Just think, it’ll help the post office, so I can see the logic. I’m willing to accept that little extra inconvenience for myself if it’ll benefit the greater good. The obscene $1 hike doesn’t happen until November, so there is just enough time to pass legislation in the Congress so that my $1 arrives in a timely manner.

Also, I know there are millions of other people affected by this price-gouging. Just think, if there are 1 million people who must now pay an extra dollar each month, that is $1,000,000 of windfall profits for a service that should be free. Each month. That’s $12,000,000 per year. And I bet the number is higher. That can’t stand. We need a tax on windfall DVD rental profits!

Thank you for your serious consideration. Please do not let the DVD rental market seize up. I await your reply.


I urge you to do the same on this matter of national urgency.